- Hey guys, so this week we talked about sex & intimacy. I'm not gonna talk too much about that thought, because the people who read this, know how sex works. One thing that I found very helpful from class, is how to educate your children about sex. I will be doing this one day so I payed close attention to what was discussed. On lds.org, there is a parent's guide and throughout this guide there are different sections and chapters discussing the role of teaching your children about intimacy. I found it super interesting that there is a section for teaching infants and toddlers about this! At this age, children are discovering their bodies and gender roles. As parents, you can teach your children simply about modesty and how we should keep our private parts covered and only let our future husband/wife see them after we're married. This guide goes on and gives advice on what to talk about at which age and this can be found on this link https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng

We also discussed marriage infidelity and how a couple can prevent this. A major factor in preventing this is having boundaries. There has to be boundaries with your opposite gender friends after you're married. You shouldn't spend one one time with that friend and you have to be cautious of how much time and where you are meeting this friend. One on one time can lead to strong emotional connections/ attachments and these can be deadly to your marriage. Your spouse will possibly feel jealousy, comparison, and the two of you could become very distant. My teacher mentioned to be very cautious of social media and who you are still friends with after you're married. Any friends of the opposite sex should be approached with your spouse or not at all.

Thanks for reading, I'm no expert, just sharing what I've learned.
Karly B.

This week the topic is Transitions in Marriage. 

 Before marriage, there's some type of proposal (well at least we hope there is). In class we discussed the proposal and if it matters. In my opinion, I think the proposal definitely matters. It shows effort and commitment. It shows that there is a clear step/transition being made and not just  "going with the flow."
 During the engagement, or possibly even before the engagement, there should be discussion about the future, things such as: 

• Future jobs
• Future family
• Where you will live
• Roles
• And of course, THE WEDDING!

The average wedding cost in America is $27,000.
To me this is outrageous and you wonder where people get this kinda of money?

• Borrow the money, Loans
• Long-engagement, to work and save up
• Parents pay for everything(missed opportunity to show independence).
• And delaying marriage until you can afford it. 

Research shows that a low cost, low debt, wedding full of family and friends who love you are good predictors of a successful marriage. 
 Now we'll talk about adjustments that you make after marriage. You are now living with another person and this may be something you're not used to. Here are some adjustments couples make:

• Drawing boundaries with friends of the opposite sex
• Unclear expectations
• Financial priorities
• Power struggles
• Little things (snoring, sharing things, temperature, etc.)

If you have issues with something your spouse does, talk to them. Don't involve other people in your issues with your spouse. Like Adam and Eve, cleave unto each other and treat each other like they are the most important and precious thing on the Earth.  
Lastly, we'll discuss the "baby blues" and how having children is another transition in marriage. In the United States, marital satisfaction is known to decrease after having children and often doesn't increase until you have an empty nest again. There are many different reasons for this trend:

• Babies are loud, smelly, demanding, and needy
• While the mother is preoccupied with baby, husband is busy elsewhere (school, work, etc.).
• She thinks he doesn't care
• He feels left out
• She feels worn out
• He wonders if he'll ever get involved

When having children, it's super important that you make your husband feel important and involve him as much as you can. Take him with you to prenatal checkups and anticipate how you will share responsibilities. When in labor, get your husband involved in the delivery, not your mom. Girls normally want their mother there with her which is fine, but think about how much of a learning experience this could be for your husband and his bond with his child could start earlier. The transition from a happy marriage, two people loving each other deeply, to adding a new born baby, a needy, tiny, bundle of joy, can be a very tricky experience. However, if couples want their marriage to last, both the husband and wife are going to have to communicate with each other constantly and figure how they can balance both marital satisfaction and raising/ taking care of their child.

Thanks for reading,

Karly B. 

Hello people!

This week our topic is preparing for marriage and different types of love.
We'll start off with a new word that I learned, "propinquity."
Propinquity refers to "nearness in place." It also refers to the people around us whom are also similar to us. This is the first of a couple different filters that we use to narrow the amount of people we'll date and eventually marry. The chance that you'll marry someone you've never met are slim to none. The second filter we often have is attractiveness. This refers to our "visual appeal." However, we may not be attracted to people just by their physical appearance. You can be attracted to someone by their smell, their personality, intelligence/education and even their talents. There may be more filters, but the last one we discussed was knowing. Our professor gave us a little formula to follow on how well you know someone. The 3 T's are:

 Togetherness(shared activities/dating)
 Talk(mutual self-disclosure)
+Time   
Know-Quo

Here are 5 suggestions to assist in establishing and strengthening a celestial marriage as told by Bruce A. Chadwick

1. All the Cinderella's and Prince Charming's need to throw away their glass slippers. The Lord's plan is to find a right one rather than the one. There are actually many whose feet will fit nicely within the glass slipper.
2. Don't wait for Heavenly Father to write the name of the person you are to marry on your kitchen wall. Be proactive, seek someone like you, who is worthy, and inspires you to be better.
3. Exercise faith and have courage in dating and marriage.
4. Keep physical intimacy at an appropriate level as to enjoy the presence of the Spirit and to be worthy to seal commitment to each other in the temple. 
5. Pray for them!

"Good marriage is crafted, not found."

• The first column is “Know” – bonding with someone and getting to know them.
• The next column is “Trust” – as you get to know someone, you put together your pieces of knowledge to make a dynamic picture of that person, and the more you know, the better you can begin to trust. The “knowing” comes first, and from that, trust develops.
• The third bonding dynamic is entitled “Rely” – this refers to the action that follows from trust. Reliance grows from the ways you meet another person’s needs as well as how they meet your needs.
• The fourth column is “Commit” – the definition of ownership or belonging in a relationship. The extent to which you feel like you belong to someone, and that they belong to you, is a measure of the degree of commitment in your relationship.
• And the last dynamic is “Sexual Touch” – a strong contributor to the feelings of intimacy and closeness in any romantic relationship.

Now we'll move on to the 4 types of love:

• Agape- "Charity." Caring for someone else's well-being without commitment; non-romantic
• Eros- Passionate, sexual, romantic
• Storge- similar to a parent loving their child 
• Philia- affection, friendship, "brotherly love" 

I'm learning so much in this class and hope that reader's are getting something out of it. Dating is a super important part of life and it's essential to lead to marriage. Date lots of people and have fun! Get to know what you like in a person and what you don't. And don't forget to involve God in all of your relationships. With constant prayer, he won't lead you astray. He wants us to be happy and for us to find our eternal companion and he'll help if we just ask. 

Thanks for reading,

Happy early Valentine's Day ;)

And Happy early birthday to Shirley!

- Karly B.

This week we discussed gender and family. We outlined some gender roles and gender dysphoria.
With the discussion of these topics, the discussion of feminism and transgenderism came into the conversation as well. We made a little chart of women and men characteristics from our reading and before looking at this, keep in mind that we are "painting with a broad brush." What I mean by this is that females and males are more complex than this list and you can have a mixture of the characteristics.

Female:

• Expressive
• Cooperative
• Detail(observant)
• Relational
• Language
• Emotionally expressive
• More white matter in the brain- can make connections better.

Male:

• Aggressive 
• Competitive
• Gross(looks at the big picture)
• Mathematical
• Logic
• More gray matter in the brain- one idea at a time.

There's a video on YouTube that explains the white/gray matter in male and female brains more if you're interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk

Why would God assign/command two opposites to team up?

- I think the two complete each other. We need each other to grow and learn together. God sends children to mothers and fathers to learn from each gender and to learn from each of their unique qualities. 

TRANSGENDERISM:

We saw/read so many interesting videos/articles concerning transgender and same-sex attraction. 

The idea of transgenderism is that one's biological sex is a choice. It's more of a disposition or feeling about yourself than a fact of nature. Scientists have claimed it to be a disorder in the family of similarly disordered assumptions about the body, such as anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder. There are many complications with this idea of changing your gender. The surgeries can only do so much.You can become a feminized man or a masculine woman. One can never fully become the opposite gender. This leads to depression in patients who undergo the surgeries and the suicide rates have increased in these patients over the past several years. 

SAME-SEX ATTRACTION:

There is an excellent video on YouTube that's about 30 min discussing how to better understand same-sex attraction. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM This video was an eye-opener and it really made me sympathize people, especially LDS members, who struggle with this. I was able to understand them more and have more love for them as Christ would. However, I still don't believe in the redefining of marriage that is going on around the world today. God's law of marriage between man and woman is still the greatest commandment we can possibly follow. 

The potential contributing factors that lead to same sex attraction are as follows:

• Wounded gender identity
• Bullying
• Father hunger(absent) or (abusive)
• Mother confusion
• Inappropriate touch (sexual abuse)
• Pornography

Homosexuals have a greater prevalence of : suicide, violence, antisocial behavior, substance abuse, promiscuity, prostitution, sexual addiction, personality disorders, psychopathology.

The sad thing is, that once people start to feel attracted to the same-sex, they think there is no way out and that this is who they are. However the video followed the stories of 5 men who found turning points and now have healthy, happy relationships with women. These turning points were:

• Unwanted same-sex attraction
• Developing healthy male relationships
• Many men turn to religion, crying, "God, I need help!."
• Ongoing process of healing
• Self-esteem increased after therapy and they felt accepted again

There is a way out! There is an alternative if you are interested in seeking it. There are therapies in which you can discuss your issues and change your lifestyle if you are unhappy with this same-sex attraction. This glimpse of hope is now being taken away in different states. States around the country are banning these therapies and I believe this would be an abuse to human rights. 

I hope that as you read this, you can understand where I'm coming from. This isn't a post to bash LGBT. This is just what the research shows and proves. There are few, if any biological/genetic links, therefore, I'm sorry Lady Gaga, you were not "born this way."

Thanks for reading!

Karly B.