THE LAST BLOG POST FOR THE SEMESTER! Where did it go? It feels like yesterday was the first day and Bro Williams was explaining this blog assignment and I already dreaded the class. But man, this has been one of my favorite classes I've ever taken and I have learned so much about the family. 
This last post is going to e about Divorced & Blended families. Some of the divorce trends as to why it is so common in the US are:

• Easier today, than ever before in the past
• Individualism
• Americans marry more, therefore, divorce more

Some different outcomes for children of these divorced or blended families are as follows: psychological, less likely to graduate HS, less likely to go to college, more likely to have premarital sex, and more likely to experience divorce. The average divorce cost in 1998 was about $125,000 and this occurs within the first 5 yrs of marriage. 65% of divorces are initiated by women. It is so sad and crazy to see these statistics and all the affects that divorce and blended families can have on the children of these families. 
I understand that sometimes, for certain situations, divorce is the best option. For example, in class we discussed the 3 A's: Abuse, Adultery,or Abandonment. If your marriage isn't filled with any of these, I personally believe that the couple can and should work it out. If you file for divorce because the two of you "had a fight", welcome to marriage. Today's society, is filled with people who want the easy way out. Instead of working hard to keep the marriage together, they want to run away from their problems by signing a paper and paying some money. Marriage isn't a cakewalk and you can work things out if you really want to. But it takes effort and commitment 
Thanks for reading!
-Karly Buchanan 

The end is near! I'm happy, but then again, not so happy, because I have enjoyed this class SO much. I've learned a lot and I wish that everyone could take this class. It's an eye opener and if we all knew the concepts taught in this class, families all around the world could be better off. Anyways, the topic for this week is parenting! Here are a few purposes to parenting:

• growing experience(for both child and adult)
• raise children
• survival
• prepare children for the bigger community
• emotional coaches
• to protect and prepare to survive and to thrive in the world in which they will live

This last bullet point is my favorite! Parenting is a big responsibility and should not be take lightly. 
Next we discussed a problem-handling method. Notice how I used the word "handling" and not "solving." Sometimes you simply can't solve the problem but you can't just ignore it. Parent and child must work together to handle it. 
By the time your children are teens, the greatest influence can come from your relationship with that child. The first step in handling a problem is to ask, "Who owns the problem? & Who will it affect the most? This question isn't meant to through around blame or say who's fault it is, but simply who will the problem affect.
 If the child owns the problem, it's best to let the child learn from natural consequences. The only reasons a parent should step in, would be if 1. The natural consequences are too dangerous 2. too far in the future and 3. if they will affect someone else as well. 
If the parent has a problem with the child there are 4 step the parent can take. Start off with 1. A polite request 2. "I statement" (I'll explain below) 3. Firm request and 4. Logical consequences
An I statement goes as follows, "When you... I feel... because... I would like..." If you get to the point where you need to make a logical consequence, make sure that these are discussed in advance with your child, and that you follow through with that particular consequence. 
That's all I got for today. 
Thanks! Karly B. :)

This week our topic was Fathers & Finance, however the topic changed as we had a class discussion to working mothers. Some different possible effects of a working mother in the home included:

• Less emotionally available 
• Children may feel abandoned
• Less stability

It was interesting to learn that the crime/sex rate of teenagers increases when mom isn't around. 
There were also these two articles we read if you want to check them out. http://www.dennisprager.com/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865587127/A-womans-education-is-not-wasted-in-the-home.html?pg=all
I loved reading these two articles and I found them quite empowering. I have always wanted to be a mom. I've always wanted to be a mom because of how great my mother was to me and my siblings. Ever since I was a little girl, I'd always play house and would love being the mom to all my dolls and animals. I've never looked down upon any woman who chooses to be a stay at home mom, because I've seen how much hard work my mother put into it. When money got a little tight around the house, my mom was able to step up and help out. She started as a substitute at our elementary school close by, then she eventually got hired for a permanent job in the front office. Although my mom had to go back to school online to get credentials to sub, she was ready to help out when we needed it most. My mom was so strong and was able to be a stay at home mom for almost 22 years before having to go to work. She has had one of the strongest impacts on me wanting to raise my children, but being prepared with a  college degree to help out my future family if necessary.


A homemaker can grow and develop by being involved with her children's lives. Always be willing to help them and teach them when they may need it. Make your home a fun learning environment for your children and try to get them excited about learning new things. Homemakers can always be prepared to help out her family if a crises ever occurs. If you haven't finished school, take online courses to finish your degree. This way you can keep an updated resume and have this as a backup plan for your family.  I think it's also important that we teach our children positive things about parenthood and don't treat them like a disappointment/burden. 

Lesson 9: Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

 *WORDS(14%)
 *TONE(35%)
+*NONVERBAL(BODY LANGUAGE)(51%)
HOW OUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE DECODED BY OTHERS

We also discussed how having councils can help families have less issues and reduce the chance of miscommunication occurring. We observed how the apostles of the church hold their councils and we noticed there was love expressed throughout the whole time. They appreciated God's will and would discuss and pray to know the Lord's will. We can use this council as an example of how to council in our own families. This week was pretty short. I didn't take many notes, but I learned a lot by stories and examples shared in class. 

Thanks for reading, 
Karly B. :)

This week the discussion was about Family Crises.
There are many stressors that can trigger family crises and these events can bring many issues into a family. Such stressors can be:

- Car accidents, moving, surgery, death, internal strife, cancer, natural disasters, major purchases, attempted suicide, divorce, gambling, job changes, loss of faith.

Some things that we discussed that strong families can do to prevent crises(or how to cope with crises) are:

• Eating dinner together
• Accepting each other
• Involving each other in important decisions
• Weekly family nights/outings
• Communication- explaining, self-disclosure about issues

We discussed an ABCX formula. 
 Actual event
 Both- resources and response
+Cognitions(the way you think about the event)
total eXperience

Ineffective ways of coping include: withdrawal, denial, drugs/alcohol

Bottom line, every family is going to go through trials. This is a part of life, and there aren't always ways to prevent bad things from happening. However, you can choose how to react the these crises. You have the power to let them destroy you and your family, or you can use thess crises to bring y'all together and closer than ever. Extended family and friends can play a major part in how you cope/heal from these trials so let them in and let them help you. Try not to push people away.

Thanks for reading!
Karly B. :)

- Hey guys, so this week we talked about sex & intimacy. I'm not gonna talk too much about that thought, because the people who read this, know how sex works. One thing that I found very helpful from class, is how to educate your children about sex. I will be doing this one day so I payed close attention to what was discussed. On lds.org, there is a parent's guide and throughout this guide there are different sections and chapters discussing the role of teaching your children about intimacy. I found it super interesting that there is a section for teaching infants and toddlers about this! At this age, children are discovering their bodies and gender roles. As parents, you can teach your children simply about modesty and how we should keep our private parts covered and only let our future husband/wife see them after we're married. This guide goes on and gives advice on what to talk about at which age and this can be found on this link https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng

We also discussed marriage infidelity and how a couple can prevent this. A major factor in preventing this is having boundaries. There has to be boundaries with your opposite gender friends after you're married. You shouldn't spend one one time with that friend and you have to be cautious of how much time and where you are meeting this friend. One on one time can lead to strong emotional connections/ attachments and these can be deadly to your marriage. Your spouse will possibly feel jealousy, comparison, and the two of you could become very distant. My teacher mentioned to be very cautious of social media and who you are still friends with after you're married. Any friends of the opposite sex should be approached with your spouse or not at all.

Thanks for reading, I'm no expert, just sharing what I've learned.
Karly B.

This week the topic is Transitions in Marriage. 

 Before marriage, there's some type of proposal (well at least we hope there is). In class we discussed the proposal and if it matters. In my opinion, I think the proposal definitely matters. It shows effort and commitment. It shows that there is a clear step/transition being made and not just  "going with the flow."
 During the engagement, or possibly even before the engagement, there should be discussion about the future, things such as: 

• Future jobs
• Future family
• Where you will live
• Roles
• And of course, THE WEDDING!

The average wedding cost in America is $27,000.
To me this is outrageous and you wonder where people get this kinda of money?

• Borrow the money, Loans
• Long-engagement, to work and save up
• Parents pay for everything(missed opportunity to show independence).
• And delaying marriage until you can afford it. 

Research shows that a low cost, low debt, wedding full of family and friends who love you are good predictors of a successful marriage. 
 Now we'll talk about adjustments that you make after marriage. You are now living with another person and this may be something you're not used to. Here are some adjustments couples make:

• Drawing boundaries with friends of the opposite sex
• Unclear expectations
• Financial priorities
• Power struggles
• Little things (snoring, sharing things, temperature, etc.)

If you have issues with something your spouse does, talk to them. Don't involve other people in your issues with your spouse. Like Adam and Eve, cleave unto each other and treat each other like they are the most important and precious thing on the Earth.  
Lastly, we'll discuss the "baby blues" and how having children is another transition in marriage. In the United States, marital satisfaction is known to decrease after having children and often doesn't increase until you have an empty nest again. There are many different reasons for this trend:

• Babies are loud, smelly, demanding, and needy
• While the mother is preoccupied with baby, husband is busy elsewhere (school, work, etc.).
• She thinks he doesn't care
• He feels left out
• She feels worn out
• He wonders if he'll ever get involved

When having children, it's super important that you make your husband feel important and involve him as much as you can. Take him with you to prenatal checkups and anticipate how you will share responsibilities. When in labor, get your husband involved in the delivery, not your mom. Girls normally want their mother there with her which is fine, but think about how much of a learning experience this could be for your husband and his bond with his child could start earlier. The transition from a happy marriage, two people loving each other deeply, to adding a new born baby, a needy, tiny, bundle of joy, can be a very tricky experience. However, if couples want their marriage to last, both the husband and wife are going to have to communicate with each other constantly and figure how they can balance both marital satisfaction and raising/ taking care of their child.

Thanks for reading,

Karly B. 

Hello people!

This week our topic is preparing for marriage and different types of love.
We'll start off with a new word that I learned, "propinquity."
Propinquity refers to "nearness in place." It also refers to the people around us whom are also similar to us. This is the first of a couple different filters that we use to narrow the amount of people we'll date and eventually marry. The chance that you'll marry someone you've never met are slim to none. The second filter we often have is attractiveness. This refers to our "visual appeal." However, we may not be attracted to people just by their physical appearance. You can be attracted to someone by their smell, their personality, intelligence/education and even their talents. There may be more filters, but the last one we discussed was knowing. Our professor gave us a little formula to follow on how well you know someone. The 3 T's are:

 Togetherness(shared activities/dating)
 Talk(mutual self-disclosure)
+Time   
Know-Quo

Here are 5 suggestions to assist in establishing and strengthening a celestial marriage as told by Bruce A. Chadwick

1. All the Cinderella's and Prince Charming's need to throw away their glass slippers. The Lord's plan is to find a right one rather than the one. There are actually many whose feet will fit nicely within the glass slipper.
2. Don't wait for Heavenly Father to write the name of the person you are to marry on your kitchen wall. Be proactive, seek someone like you, who is worthy, and inspires you to be better.
3. Exercise faith and have courage in dating and marriage.
4. Keep physical intimacy at an appropriate level as to enjoy the presence of the Spirit and to be worthy to seal commitment to each other in the temple. 
5. Pray for them!

"Good marriage is crafted, not found."

• The first column is “Know” – bonding with someone and getting to know them.
• The next column is “Trust” – as you get to know someone, you put together your pieces of knowledge to make a dynamic picture of that person, and the more you know, the better you can begin to trust. The “knowing” comes first, and from that, trust develops.
• The third bonding dynamic is entitled “Rely” – this refers to the action that follows from trust. Reliance grows from the ways you meet another person’s needs as well as how they meet your needs.
• The fourth column is “Commit” – the definition of ownership or belonging in a relationship. The extent to which you feel like you belong to someone, and that they belong to you, is a measure of the degree of commitment in your relationship.
• And the last dynamic is “Sexual Touch” – a strong contributor to the feelings of intimacy and closeness in any romantic relationship.

Now we'll move on to the 4 types of love:

• Agape- "Charity." Caring for someone else's well-being without commitment; non-romantic
• Eros- Passionate, sexual, romantic
• Storge- similar to a parent loving their child 
• Philia- affection, friendship, "brotherly love" 

I'm learning so much in this class and hope that reader's are getting something out of it. Dating is a super important part of life and it's essential to lead to marriage. Date lots of people and have fun! Get to know what you like in a person and what you don't. And don't forget to involve God in all of your relationships. With constant prayer, he won't lead you astray. He wants us to be happy and for us to find our eternal companion and he'll help if we just ask. 

Thanks for reading,

Happy early Valentine's Day ;)

And Happy early birthday to Shirley!

- Karly B.

This week we discussed gender and family. We outlined some gender roles and gender dysphoria.
With the discussion of these topics, the discussion of feminism and transgenderism came into the conversation as well. We made a little chart of women and men characteristics from our reading and before looking at this, keep in mind that we are "painting with a broad brush." What I mean by this is that females and males are more complex than this list and you can have a mixture of the characteristics.

Female:

• Expressive
• Cooperative
• Detail(observant)
• Relational
• Language
• Emotionally expressive
• More white matter in the brain- can make connections better.

Male:

• Aggressive 
• Competitive
• Gross(looks at the big picture)
• Mathematical
• Logic
• More gray matter in the brain- one idea at a time.

There's a video on YouTube that explains the white/gray matter in male and female brains more if you're interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk

Why would God assign/command two opposites to team up?

- I think the two complete each other. We need each other to grow and learn together. God sends children to mothers and fathers to learn from each gender and to learn from each of their unique qualities. 

TRANSGENDERISM:

We saw/read so many interesting videos/articles concerning transgender and same-sex attraction. 

The idea of transgenderism is that one's biological sex is a choice. It's more of a disposition or feeling about yourself than a fact of nature. Scientists have claimed it to be a disorder in the family of similarly disordered assumptions about the body, such as anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder. There are many complications with this idea of changing your gender. The surgeries can only do so much.You can become a feminized man or a masculine woman. One can never fully become the opposite gender. This leads to depression in patients who undergo the surgeries and the suicide rates have increased in these patients over the past several years. 

SAME-SEX ATTRACTION:

There is an excellent video on YouTube that's about 30 min discussing how to better understand same-sex attraction. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJhyzqdzpnM This video was an eye-opener and it really made me sympathize people, especially LDS members, who struggle with this. I was able to understand them more and have more love for them as Christ would. However, I still don't believe in the redefining of marriage that is going on around the world today. God's law of marriage between man and woman is still the greatest commandment we can possibly follow. 

The potential contributing factors that lead to same sex attraction are as follows:

• Wounded gender identity
• Bullying
• Father hunger(absent) or (abusive)
• Mother confusion
• Inappropriate touch (sexual abuse)
• Pornography

Homosexuals have a greater prevalence of : suicide, violence, antisocial behavior, substance abuse, promiscuity, prostitution, sexual addiction, personality disorders, psychopathology.

The sad thing is, that once people start to feel attracted to the same-sex, they think there is no way out and that this is who they are. However the video followed the stories of 5 men who found turning points and now have healthy, happy relationships with women. These turning points were:

• Unwanted same-sex attraction
• Developing healthy male relationships
• Many men turn to religion, crying, "God, I need help!."
• Ongoing process of healing
• Self-esteem increased after therapy and they felt accepted again

There is a way out! There is an alternative if you are interested in seeking it. There are therapies in which you can discuss your issues and change your lifestyle if you are unhappy with this same-sex attraction. This glimpse of hope is now being taken away in different states. States around the country are banning these therapies and I believe this would be an abuse to human rights. 

I hope that as you read this, you can understand where I'm coming from. This isn't a post to bash LGBT. This is just what the research shows and proves. There are few, if any biological/genetic links, therefore, I'm sorry Lady Gaga, you were not "born this way."

Thanks for reading!

Karly B.

Welcome, welcome. 

As always, I've learned a lot this week. I didn't really know what I was getting into when I signed up for this class. I only knew I needed it for my major. But this class is causing me to love my major even more. 

This week we discussed a little bit of culture, social class, and immigration. 
We were asked to answer this question: 
What do you think? Are all cultures equal in terms of being right and wrong, good and bad? Do we have the right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another?

I don’t think it is our place to judge another culture. We all come from different backgrounds and grow up in different circumstances. We don’t really have a right to proclaim one set of values to be better than another because we don’t walk in their shoes. What I mean by this is that we haven’t lived the same life as them. In class, we learned that culture is a sort of social group. Inside of each culture are shared arts, attitudes, and behaviors. Elder Oaks teaches us that, “This gospel culture comes from the plan of salvation, the commandments of God, and the teachings of the living prophets. To help its members all over the world, the Church teaches us to give up any personal or family traditions or practices that are contrary to this gospel culture.”

Next, we discussed some measures of social class and SES(Socioeconomic Status). Some of the measures included:

• Income
• Ancestry
• Behavior(mannerism)
• Confidence
• Recreational
• Education
• Time
• Location
• Speech
• Dress

We watched a video about Tammy and how her social class affected her family and future generations. One thing that we discussed in class was how Tammy's life could've been changed if she had a husband and her children had a father. One more person in that household could've made a huge difference; Tammy could've had a support system. Here's Tammy's story:

Thanks for reading. Families are great. I'd like to leave y'all this week with another quote from Elder Oaks:

"If we could only see above our current circumstances and know our true location on the journey to eternal life, we would realize what great progress we are making."

Have a great week. I encourage you to try to find a way to strengthen your family relationships somehow this week,because they are one of God's greatest gifts to us. 

Thanks for reading,

Karly B.

Howdy! 

This week was pretty short due to no classes on Monday for MLK day, but it was great and full of learning! One important thing I learned from class this week was that families are hard to generalize and study. When people know they are being studied or observed, they will often act differently than they would while at home going through their daily routine. There are a few theories that we discussed in class on Tuesday:

1. Systems Theory
2. Exchange Theory
3. Conflict Theory
4. Symbolic Interaction

The systems theory is summarized as meaning the whole is greater than the sum of parts. This basically means that when there is change in one family member, there is often change in all parts of the family. An example of this is when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of years ago. This was unexpected for all of us and it was hard to adjust, because my mom does so much for everyone in my family. She was the cook, chauffeur, doctor, and the nurturer. Not to overlook my dad, he was the main provider for our family growing up and still is. He always supported his children in all our extracurricular activities. He was a coach, teacher, and protector. However, when my mom got sick every one's roles had to be shifted, whether we liked it or not. Of course we had a lot of help from church friends and extended family, but my dad really stepped up in a time of need and I am very grateful for that. 

The exchange theory is pretty self-explanatory. It has the mindset of "you owe me." There are a lot of expectations that are set. Exchange theory doesn't explain all of family life, "but it is clearly of value in our efforts to understand" (Marriage & Family 8th edition, Lauer). In this theory people try to determine if a situation is fair or appealing or worthwhile. 

The conflict theory is an explanation that focuses on two types of groups: social class and gender. Power--->Influence. The higher your social class, the more resources you have available to you. With respect to gender, some believe that men have advantage in the power struggle because they possess more of a crucial resource- money. However, I believe that communication is key in every relationship and if you sit down as husband and wife, you can discuss things, such as money, and just be willing to help each other out when needed.

The last theory I'll discuss is the symbolic interaction theory. All interactions are(can be) symbolic, representing/ conveying something. We don't all share the same meanings. Like I mentioned earlier, communication is important. Talk to your spouse if there are issues, because the longer you hold it inside, the bigger the explosion(fight) will be when you cant take it anymore. Make sure y'all  are on the same page with things to prevent confusion or feelings getting hurt.

As you can tell, lots of learning is going on in this family relations class. Brother Williams makes an 8 o'clock class worth going to. We even got to do a skit on Thursday of a small family going to therapy. It was an eye opener and kept me engaged in the lesson, while on other days I'd probably be struggling to stay awake in an 8 am lecture. 

As always, thanks for reading! Families are great and make the world a better place. Always make time for them, they are God's greatest gifts/ creations.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my big brother, Kirby :)
-Karly B.

We did it! Week #1 is down guys. Has it only been a week though? Because I feel like I’ve learned so much more. First I’d like to get started with some myths that we discussed in Family Relations this week. The first myth is that love lasts forever. Not that I’m a professional, but I’ve heard and witnessed that love/marriage is hard work. The second myth was that more similarities lead to a better marriage. It was funny discussing this because I imagined finding a guy just like me, and it sounded amazing! But the more I thought about it, the more annoyed I got. Haha I think that it is important and perfectly normal to like different things. Another myth was that a happy marriage means that there are no conflicts. Like I said earlier, marriage is hard work! You have to learn to live with a different person and find out what works and doesn’t work with each other.

After we talked about myths, we discussed different trends that are happening around the world. There has been a delay in marriage. The average age for women is 26 and men is 28. For my LDS friends, women are 24 and men are 26 (Are these numbers higher than you expected?). Delaying marriage has influenced declining fertility rates. Women are having an average of 2 point something kids. Cohabitation has become very popular. About 60%-80% are cohabitating. This also contributes to premarital sex increasing and children being born outside of marriage increasing. Mothers are then often times left raising a child by herself and therefore having to go to work to provide for her and her child. There are increasing divorce rates. More people are living alone. All these trends contribute to the average household size declining.

We were also asked to share our opinions on the question, “Does it really matter how many children I have?” We were provided with the following quote,

"There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? —To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can."

- President Brigham Young

I absolutely love this quote. God gave us the beautiful power to procreate and he’s asked us to save this power to use within the bounds of marriage, between husband and wife. I believe that it is very important to communicate with our Heavenly Father often and more importantly to ask Him about your future families. God has a plan for each of us. We may have ideas of what we’d like our future families to be like. We can pray to God and cry unto Him our desires. However, God already knows. His plan is perfect and flawless and He will give us what we need. 

Here's a picture of the people who are most important to me. They've made me stronger and helped me become closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Hey everyone!

This is my new blog for my Family Relations class here at BYU-I. My name is Karly Buchanan and I am studying Child Development. I am starting my 4th semester and I can tell that this will be a busy one(and a cold one). I'm looking forward to this class and being able to share my insights with all of y'all(I am from Texas). I am ready to learn and I hope you are inspired by the things I post on here. Happy reading and have a great weekend! :)

-Karlyshay